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 lisa (chicken-headed-bambi-killer)'s Profile |
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| Age: | 29 years old |
| Sex: | Female |
| Location: | BALTIMORE, Maryland |
| Country: |  United States |
| Height: | 5' 2" |
| BodyType: | More to love! |
| Zodiac: |  Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22) |
| Last Login: | Nov 14, 2007 (752 days back) |
| I am Here For Friends. | |
About Me |
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| i'm an overweight problem drinker—sweet baby jesus—and how!!! i like to drink, catch fireflies—kill them—and smear their carcasses across my face like glow in the dark war paint, spend obscene amounts of time wondering why robert downey jr. insists on pretending that "we" never happened, drool on pillows, build underwater sea monkey empires out of styrofoam balls, watch endless hours of other people playing warhammer, pick scabs, fantasize about the day the steve buscemi blow-up doll is released (my yanni doll has grown trite), place kittens in tall trees, attempt to do crossword puzzles simply to confirm my sneaking suspicion that I don't know nothin' bout nothin', wet the bed, and poke irritated children repeatedly with telescopic metal car antennas to further enrage them—i then sometimes slather their faces with boysenberry jam and tie them to trees in the woods to fend for themselves against hoards of rabid raccoons, or if i'm feeling saucy, i change into my superhero costume that i fashioned from the discarded dresses of broken-hearted vegas show girls and lead them to the roofs of tall buildings, where i convince them that i am going to show them how to fly, and tell them not to worry because i'll be right behind them—i always seem lose interest in this game, though, as soon as they step off the edge. appropriately, i moonlight as a unicorn by the name of sparkle-biscuit-sassy-pants in a white-asian fusion rap group called suck-butternut. i have only two regrets in life: not following my childhood ambition of becoming a rodeo clown (although i did spend the majority of my formative years wearing a wig made out of yarn and trying to entice what i thought were bulls-but were really small mongolian boys-into charging a red cape that i found behind a porno theater the day after halloween one year), and that i abandoned my first true love—the bearded lady—to follow the illusion of excitement that some flipper-limbed reference librarian spun out of outdated tiger beat magazines, only to find out in the end that kirk cameron's poodle hair was neither a perm, nor sexy in any convoluted definition of the term. seriously though, i couldn't have laughed more or had a better life. i have the most amazing friends, who have somehow forgiven me for all the times i sucked, and remembered me for all the times i haven't, and i love the hell out of every single one of them for a different reason. i wouldn't have made it through anything without them. oh yeah, and... . . . . . . . . "if you were to think of paired electrons as a married couple, a free radical would be an extremely seductive outsider." janice thompson and melinda manore (i love science textbooks). | |
My Interests |
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| members of the opposite sex, superfluous sloshery, string theory, the smell of aqua velva and regret, pink bunny suits and those lucky enough to wear them, viruses, cellular biology, other things that go on underneath of a microscope, thirty-one year old men who dress up their cats for halloween (my favorite thing in the world: my brother), atoms and molecules, my dogs boogie and beelzebub, places other than here, tapioca pudding and glory-holes, flying squirrels, anatomy, jell-o, chemistry, mother-fucking firearms G, pygmy donkeys, pygmy goats, hell--pygmies in general, capsaicin (8-methyl-N-vanillyl-6-nonenamide) and several related chemicals, rubber chickens, real chickens, the ever captivating golgi apparatus, pickled ginger, astronomy, mammals that have no hair (not so much people, but rats, cats, and dogs), mechanical devices, shiny metal things, surgery and the instruments used to perform it, things made of plastic, faith in religion as a neurological disorder, pens that write well, quantum physics, "spooky action", paper clips, entropy and apathy, trichotillomania (because i have it, lucky for me it is restricted to what would otherwise constitute a unibrow or a catfish-like mustache—sorry, frieda, i won't be joining your little club)... Layout by myspace_layoutsx07 ! |
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I'd like to meet:the future mr. me (who is probably punching kittens in the face at an ice-cream social right now) or anybody else who wants to buy me a drink, maybe even a junior warlock hell-bent on world domination (but hopefully he too wants to buy me a drink), also the creator of the hit 60's television show "the flying nun", so i can ask them the burning question: what situation, pray tell, could be remedied by a ninety pound nun with a heavily starched cornet alighting from the sky? most importantly, kevin james (07/02/1977 - 05/23/2007), who i loved unlike anyone else, and jason ward (06/19/1978 - 11/01/2007), who made me laugh unlike anyone else, so i can kick both of their asses for leaving so soon. "in the name of fast creeks of love, always different and always and bloody." —miroslav holub from "half a hedgehog." |
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Music:slayer, the new york dolls--basically johnny thunders and everything he's ever touched, guns & roses, 999, the cars, backyard babies, madness, led zeppelin, slayer, firewater, 1970's brit pop, buzzcocks, soilent green, the dwarves, the damned, the clash, bad brains, dinosaur jr., the cure, god forbid, bad eighties hair metal with a concentration in power ballads, nina simone, slayer, willie nelson, the candy snatchers, social distortion, cop shoot cop, dead boys, dead kennedys, patsy cline, did I say slayer already? |
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Movies:donnie darko, in the company of men, eye of god, clay pigeons, kalifornia, superbad, talladega nights: the ballad of ricky bobby, hedwig and the angry inch, a bronx tale, goodfellas, casino, the godfather (anything involving dagos and automatic weapons), carlito's way, scarface, blades of glory, school for scoundrels, kung pow, lucky # slevin, smokin' aces, 300, dead alive, bad taste, dark city, sin city, shoot em' up.... |
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Television:discovery channel, history channel, family guy, flight of the conchords, the colbert report, and nip / tuck. "i hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me" —hunter s. thompson |
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Books:geek love, armed to the teeth with lipstick, animal farm, brave new world, the death of sweet mister, american psycho, deadeye dick, 1984, tomato red, the universe in a single atom, love is a dog from hell, the shipping news, filth, the goldbug variations, gravity's (motherfucking) rainbow--after having to read all 760 pages twice... |
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Heroes:a. c. slater's haircut from saved by the bell, anyone who has made sure I made it home alright, all of the dedicated bartenders who ensure that I need help getting home, unicorns, james watson & francis crick, russell simmons & rick rubin, otto stern & walther gerlach, my dad, steven colbert, police officers and firefighters, chris elliot, anyone who can drink my pants off, ralph nader, people who are good at math...(oh yeah, and rick allen, the drummer for def leopard... because he stayed in the band even though they sucked—not for any other reason) |
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My Background and Lifestyle |
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| MaritalStatus: | Single |
| Hometown: | Ocean Pines, Maryland |
| Religion: | Buddhist |
| Children: | I don't want kids |
| Education: | In college |
| Occupation: | purveyor of fine pork products |
My Pictures |
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My Blog |
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kathy's new hands |
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| his words fell like jacks, curious and inert, the empty resonance of plastic champagne glasses, only i have less interest in them than i would a red, rubber ball; i let them spread out across the lacq... Posted by lisa (chicken-headed-bambi-killer) on Mon, 16 Jul 2007 01:34:00 PST |
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neighbors of zero |
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| she sat on the steps of the library, filthy cement shamelessly intimate with the flesh of her thighs, solid, stationary compression, comforting like the pricks of an addict's needle. in her hand, rand... Posted by lisa (chicken-headed-bambi-killer) on Mon, 16 Jul 2007 01:02:00 PST |
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if people were blisters |
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| so, i got my arm lasered yesterday, and because a moderate amount of self-loathing is never enough, i got another part of my body lasered as well, so, today, of course, when i woke up, my arm (but not... Posted by lisa (chicken-headed-bambi-killer) on Fri, 04 May 2007 01:43:00 PST |
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My Friends |
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Meredith, Smartest guy with Down Syndrome, Train Wreck, killer caboozer, SUSPICIA, Violet, eric, sarah, *Hollywood*, KRAEMER, Danny, MEGA MonTana, alana, Cody, Tim, DiabloDego, J. Asher Lynch, Derek & Catherine, Watts (Scott), WACKO HACKO, Kate D, sarah, Trav...is, viva la rock, tiger, Lisa's husband, Cori 12.8, Lyndsi, ~Miss Edie~, Ulysses, Mary, Kevlar, SMASHLEY!, Tyrannosaurus Jeff, Firewater Engine, ANGELA, Grady Spades, Eric, Crazy Mary, Heather, wpa bootboy, Amanda, dottie2hottie, Joy, CRAZY ONE, zompire, Misty Rudder
lisa (chicken-headed-bambi-killer) has 243 friends (47 shown). Click here to add lisa (chicken-headed-bambi-killer) as a friend. |
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Tags |
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lisa (chicken-headed-bambi-killer)'s profile has been tagged with the following keywords. Click a tag to search for profiles with the same tags. robert downey jr, sea monkey, ocean pines maryland, place kittens, monkey balls, steve buscemi, bambi, nothin bout, blow up doll, pork products, sneaking suspicion, styrofoam balls, obscene amounts, buddhist religion, overweight problem, sweet baby jesus, car antennas, problem drinker, endless hours, war paint |
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